someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Randomize
