you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
