I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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