She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
