I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
