Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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