This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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