I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
