I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
