the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
