Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
