Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
