whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
