It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
