I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
