Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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