You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
