just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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