I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
