We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
