Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
