jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
