It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
