If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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