Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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