Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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