textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
