It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
