That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
