so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
