please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
