So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
