If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize