I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
please don't ironically join a cult
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