Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
smell my finger.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
