There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
