too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She needs sedatives and a leash
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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