Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
