Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
