shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
