so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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