I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
