Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
