i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
