I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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