My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
