I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
