I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
