In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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