i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
