Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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