I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
