AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
