Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Come on in and take your pants off
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