I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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