You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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