New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
