so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
