im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize