Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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