Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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