The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think a kid would responsible me up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
