I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
