Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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