I think my fart just growled at me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
