She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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