i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
