There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
