I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
