do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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